Learning To Love Myself

I feel like I am under a constant storm of clouds right now, just trying to stay dry whilst chaos ensues around me. I’ve finally caught the cold I seem to always be on the edge of and I also have a chest infection so I’m feeling a little sorry for myself this week. I’ve been spending as much time as possible in bed, where I finished this post I’ve been working on for the past four days. Still, I’ve got a weekend away to look forward to which I am very excited about! I just want to feel well; like when I wake up in the morning I can tackle the day ahead, rather than struggle to get out of bed. Hopefully a dose of antibiotics will do the trick!

It’s been a year since I wrote my blog post Singles Awareness Day. As I am sure we are all aware, today is February 14th aka Valentines Day; this is a day when everyone focuses on love, relationships, red roses and pink heart shape gifts. Perhaps, if you are like me it makes you focus on the lack of the above.

The suggestion is always that one needs to be happy in themselves before looking for love. It’ll probably always be a challenge for me to learn to be truly happy and love myself (scars and all) before I can let my barriers down and let anyone else in. I need to feel better from the inside out, I’ve neglected myself a lot over the years and this needs to change. It’s not going to happen over night, but if I’m not happy in myself, I’m certainly not going to let a man get close to me. If I don’t feel proud of my achievements, how will anyone else? Self love sounds very cheesy, but if I cannot see the positives in myself others around me won’t either.

At 31, if you’re not settled down It appears as a society we question it. I think others must think there is something wrong with me, but there is! I have incurable stage 4 cancer! I still have single friends, but increasingly couples are settling down, moving house and starting families. Days like Valentines Day serve as a constant reminder I’m not at the same stage in life. My successes (staying well, managing to work full time) are not the same as my peers, these are a given for 90% of those around me, they are just ‘the norm’ for others. I’ve been told multiple times over the years that I am ‘not the norm’ and boy do I feel that now!

It’s time to stop being so harsh on myself, to stop judging; and stop putting myself under the microscope of never ending scrutiny. There is no point in comparing my life to that of my peers, we aren’t in the same place, and it’s not a competition.

It would be nice to feel like a relationship could be possible one day. As I always say, I would’ve liked the choice, but I feel its been taken away from me with my diagnosis. I know it’s even more unlikely if I don’t make some changes to my attitude. I’d admire the ‘like it lump it’ and ‘this is me’ attitudes of other cancer patients I follow on social media, but it’s just not me.

Perhaps I’ve met a man I could be with, but I’ve been too busy keeping barriers up and focussing on my health that I haven’t even noticed? The idea having a relationship still feels so unlikely; like a fictional version of my life that will never really play out into reality. Who knows! Despite how positive things are looking In terms of my treatment I feel deep down no one wants to be with a terminal cancer patient. In the back of my mind I feel I don’t deserve it because my cancer status doesn’t make me a worthy candidate.

To be honest, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. For the past nine years I’ve put my body through so much; including multiple operations and some brutal treatment options which have multiple side effects. Each leave their own harsh physical and mental scars and often it is too much to deal with.

In order to move forward I need to accept what I’ve been through, and hopefully learn to be happy in myself first and foremost. I am a huge worrier, I am am not sure I can be truly happy and content in myself when I often feel my body is trying to kill me.

Every day I panic things will take a bad turn again. Cancer has magnified fears I didn’t have before, however It’s goes without saying that it has also highlighted the strength I can find within to keep going. I must stop beating myself up over my diagnosis and worrying I could have changed things. In this instance it doesn’t always feel like time is a healer!

Here’s to waking up tomorrow and feeling more over the weather than under it! And a happy goodbye to the Valentines gifts and paraphernalia for another year.

“Self-love is not selfish. You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself”

Concessions For Disabled People

After my most recent blog post Something To Look Forward To, It has come to my attention that many people may not know of some of the concessions or discounts they might be entitled to if they are in receipt of disability benefits, or have had, or are currently undergoing cancer treatment.  Something To Look Forward To are a great small charity who offer free event tickets, beauty treatments etc to those experiencing cancer, however there are also many other opportunities those who are registered disabled can make use of.

Although the free NHS prescriptions and a Blue Badge are extremely useful and practical, having cancer is really expensive which means some people might miss out on doing things they enjoy. With this in mind I thought I’d compile a list off potential discounts and money saving options for travel and recreational activities which might be helpful to others. If anyone knows of discounts or offers I’ve not covered, do feel free to let me know and I will add them to my list, and most likely take advantage myself.

Disabled Persons Railcard

A Disabled Persons Railcard provides those who have a disability that makes travelling by train difficult 1/3 off both standard and first class anytime, off-peak and advance fares. This also applies to one companion travelling with them at the same time. This applies to those with a visual impairment, a hearing impairment, epilepsy or those who are in receipt of a disability-related benefit. It is one of the first discounts I was made aware of when I first started to receive Disability Living Allowance (now PIP) back in 2010.

CEA Card

The CEA Card is a national card scheme developed for UK cinemas which enables a disabled cinema guest to receive a complimentary ticket for someone to go with them.  I’ve used this card in various cinemas chains up and down the country including Cineworld, Empire and Odeon; and it is really handy, especially when cinema tickets can be over £10 each and splitting the cost makes it much more affordable, particularly for those who cannot go alone without any assistance. Those who receive benefits such as Disability Living Allowance (DLA) or Personal Independence Payment (PIP) are eligible, as well as various other benefits listed on the website for the CEA Card. Cardholders must be 8 years of age or older. The card costs £6 for the year so it’s worth it, even if it is only used twice a year.

Access For All Admit One Card

The National Trust admits a companion, or carer, of a disabled visitor free of charge, with the normal membership, or admission fee, applying to the disabled visitor. The  Access for all Admit One Card is free of charge and can be issued by emailing National Trust directly and sending proof of being in receipt of a disability-related benefit, such as Personal Independence Payment (PIP). This card is made out in the name of the disabled person, not the companion, so there is not a restriction to taking the same person on each visit, which is really useful. I’ve got one of these cards but am yet to use it.

Gym  Membership Discount

Many gyms across the country offer discounts for disabled people, in particular gyms run by councils, depending on where in the UK you live. A example of a chain gym that offers discount is Better Gym, know as the Better Inclusive Membership. This membership gives disabled people full, anytime access to facilities at over 200 leisure centres, including use of gyms, pools and fitness classes. The costs for this is very reasonable, at just £19.95 per month with no joining fee and no minimum contract. Like the other offers, I had to show proof of being in receipt of disability benefits when applying for this.

Concert / Theatre Ticket Concessions

I love going to the theatre and gigs, and was pleased to find out many venues or theatre companies operate an accessible ticket scheme for those in need. Being in receipt of Personal Independence Payment (PIP) means I’ve been able to take advantage of some of these offers which make a night out at the theatre practical and enjoyable. Ambassadors Theatre Group own many theatres in the West End and across the country and operate an ATG Access Membership Scheme for people needing assistance. I recently booked accessible tickets to see a show in the West End and received great service, someone even asked if we needed assistance with our interval order which I thought was great, especially for those who may be using a wheelchair. The National Theatre also operate a National Theatre Access List offering concession tickets for disabled people and carers, which means those eligible can get a pair of tickets to a show for just £32!

In additional to Something To Look Forward To there are also organisations such as Willow Foundation who provide Special Days for seriously ill 16 to 40 year olds. I had a special day organised by them in 2011 which included a trip to London, tickets to see a musical and a lovely meal out with some of my family. I would definitely recommend it for those who may qualify.

Something To Look Forward To 

Since my last blog post Being Dealt A Bad Hand I’ve tried to focus more on all the good things I have in my life, and changing the things I can control. I’m going to do my best to try not to focus on those I can’t change. This can be very challenging week on week, but I feel a little more postive this week. It’s good for me to have something to look forward to post treatment, such as meeting with a friend I’ve not seen for a while, or planningfun activities around Christmas time.

By chance, I came across a charity called Something To Look Forward To via social media a few weeks ago. Something To Look Forward To is a charity website for people with cancer and their families, which allows them to access a variety of gifts donated by other people and companies. This can be anything from restaurant meals, hotel stays, hair and beauty treatments, or tickets for various gig, events and attractions across the UK.

I filled out the forms and was lucky enough to recieve a voucher for a meal at my local pizza restaurant, and am looking forward to using it! I already know what I want to order. It’s the small things that sometimes make a big difference, particularly when people might be struggling with the mental and physical effects of cancer. I’d recommend anyone going through treatment to check out the website, you never know what you might find.