Wishing I Was Anonymous

As I come to the end of my two week holiday I’m looking forward to getting back into a routine. As much as I love being away and exploring new places there comes a point where my fatigue kicks and I am ready to rest in my own space and sleep in my own bed.

One of the best things about being on holiday is being anonymous. I travelled alone for seven days after my friends wedding; a whole week where nobody I encountered knew anything about my personal life, to them I was just an ‘ordinary’ person travelling alone, but for me the trip meant more than that. I didn’t have to feel the need to explain myself wherever I went, which was a welcome break for me. I’ve spent the last year worrying that my illness would mean that somehow I wouldn’t make it on to the flight. When I first booked the trip I kept thinking that if I die in the next year, would my family be able to get the money back I’d paid so far?. Morbid but true!

This holiday helped my realise I need to try and stop letting cancer define me. Like it or not it happens to me every day. I can be who I want, sometimes it isn’t always possible, but there are occasions when I can be completely anonymous and free from the poison chalice that is my terminal diagnosis. Even if it’s for a few hours it feels so nice to feel I fit in to the crowd. Looking well is a huge bonus in this situation as there are no questions asked. I enjoyed being a typical tourist exploring a new city.

For the first few days of my solo trip cancer was very far from my mind, however a few days in I received an email confirming my next PET CT Scan at the end of the month, so I am back in purgatory for the next few weeks whilst I play the quarterly ‘will or won’t my cancer be stable’ waiting game. You’d think after almost 8 years since my stage 4 diagnosis and approximately 4 years of active treatment I’d be used to this, but I’m not!

During my trip I noticed some spots of vitiligo getting worse, which I think could be down to overall sun exposure whilst away. Although I wear sun cream constantly I spotted a new area appear on my neck which made me feel really low. This change in skin pigmentation is a side effect of my treatment. Most of my vitiligo is in my torso and legs so not easily spotted by others, but the new area, along with the huge scar on my neck from my original melanoma is much more obvious. I also had a couple of nose bleeds, but I think this is likely to be down to the huge head cold and sore throat I got whilst in Chiang Mai.

When I look in the mirror I see I scars or marks of cancer treatment at every angle, the mark on my neck is another to add to my collection. I have scars on every part of my body from different operations, some more obvious than others; I have a protruding portacath for my immunotherapy treatment, vitiligo, raised scars, tattooed eyebrows and a slightly lazy eye. I had the last eye as a child but it got progressively worse again a couple of years ago so I had it operated on for the third time. The surgeon told me he thought it was very divergent considering I’d already had surgery twice, and the shift could be down to optical nerve damage that may been cause by my brain tumour a few years before. Although this is not necessary why, I can’t help but feel my tumour had something to do with it, because nothing is ever simple in my world. My left eye still remains slightly lazy, another reminder of all the crap I’ve had to go through. I so wish these things didn’t have an impact and I didn’t care, but I really do.

I should look in the mirror and be proud of my body, I know this because it has been so strong and fought back at every opportunity, but there are days when its difficult. The last few days have been hard, with no one there to help distract my thoughts about plans for the day or if the breakfast in the hotel will be good.

I really try not to let cancer define me, not to let it win, and It’s certainly not going to destroy me. When I feel low and depressed its not necessarily one particular thing that I can put my finger on, but a combination of the whole living with cancer package that throws me into turmoil. It’ll be something seemingly small, such as spotting the vitiligo earlier which will push me over the edge and then makes me feel down again.

All the scars and marks remind me there is a extremely unwell person staring back at me. That person is asking for the magic cure to fix everything. I have to dig deep for the mental strength to and carry on, only wishing I had the answer my reflection is looking for.

Being positive and picking myself up each day isn’t always simple, I try to see the good in situations and hope one day I’ll have the answers. I want to feel happy but it isn’t always the case. It goes without saying I’ve had an amazing couple of holidays over the last few weeks, I had a chemotherapy break, so when I go next week it’ll be the first time in six weeks, which is a rarity. America and Asia have been so much fun, but my reality is still the same as it was a few weeks ago, and it’s always hard come back from a good place mentally knowing it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Can I go back to being anonymous please?

Becoming An Adventurer

I am about half way through my holiday right now, so far I’ve visited Phuket and Chiang Mai in Thailand. I’ve created some wonderful memories, taking me well and truly out of my comfort zone, perhaps I am more of an adventurer than I thought!

The main reason for booking the holiday was to be a bridesmaid for my school friend in Phuket. In total there was a group of about 50 people who had travelled from England to watch the beautiful couple say ‘ I do’. It was so much fun spending time with friends and their families, as it wouldn’t happen ordinarily. Cancer has been very far from my mind, especially sipping coconut water from a real coconut at a beach bar overlooking the ocean! The venue and wedding itself were beautiful, it was an idillic setting, despite the delayed start due to a storm. I can’t wait to see all the photos.

Whilst in Phuket my friend and I took a day trip to Phi Phi, it was stunning however the weather was awful, making the boat journey very scary, however we made it there and back in one piece and lived to tell the tale. Whilst there we took a long boat out from the shore went snorkelling. Not one of my usual weekend activities and very much in my red zone of being scary and unsafe (not the fish, but the boat itself).

I’ve also eaten numerous times on my own, apart from day time cafe jaunts to write blog posts I would never have dreamt of going out to a restaurant for dinner alone whilst in London. ‘Table for one’ just doesn’t seem like the done thing, but when on holiday anything goes!

After my Phuket adventures I flew North and explored Chiang Mai for four days, I’ve found it to be a relaxed and friendly city, and I’ve been able to continue my down time. A few months ago I booked a trip to an Elephant Jungle Sanctuary which feels like a must when in Chiang Mai. As many people know I am not a really an animal person, so getting up close was an interesting experience. You can see form my Instagram photos that I’m pretending I’m not petrified!

Despite having a huge cold (mainly thanks to air conditioning) I’ve enjoyed the time alone; being able to wonder around and not worry about anyone else is a bonus. I’ve slowly been loosing my voice, I’m sure it’s down to a mixture of the cold and not speaking to people very often, I’m just glad it’s nothing more serious.

On paper this trip was one of the most scary things I’ve ever done, I thought spending so much time alone would be boring and was worried thoughts of cancer, dying abroad and my upcoming scan towards the end of the month would take over, not having anyone there to distract me. Two destinations down, and two to go! Perhaps I am becoming more adventurous? So far it’s been a success, I’ve been too busy exploring to think about cancer. All the negativity surrounding my illness is very far from my mind, I just hope it lasts when I get back home.

Flying Solo

Next month I am flying solo in more ways than one. I’m heading off to Asia for a wedding, and then doing a little bit of travelling alone. Being a stage 4 patient the thought of being in another country travelling solo is petrifying, especially when it’s to countries I’ve not been to before. I keep waking up in the night panicking that I’m going to die on my travels with none of my family around me, this probably seems ludicrous to others, but it’s something that has been playing on my mind. No matter how much I try this always niggles at me when I’m far away. Realistically, I don’t want to travel alone but I am sure it’ll be an amazing experience, I didn’t go travelling during my last minute gap year so It seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up. I had a bit of a YOLO (you only live once) and FOMO (fear of missing out) moment when booking the trip around a year ago. I just kept hoping I would be around and well enough to see it through, and thankfully I am.

I begin my trip at a wedding with around 40 other guests, including spending the first part of the trip with some very close friends, so I won’t be short of people to chat to and share experiences with there. It’s been a long time coming and I literally cannot wait to spend quality time with friends! I also end my two week trip in good company, which is very lucky. I’m spending about 7 days on my own in total, and although I’ve travelled to places by myself to meet friends before, I’ve never spend that much time exploring alone. I am a little apprehensive about it, but there is no backing out now. A few years ago I spent three days in Barcelona on my own, I loved the city but I missed sharing the experience with another person.

I’ve chosen to travel alone because I may not have much time left; I love going on holiday and always want people accompany me, but I want to seize the day and create some good memories of life outside of the terminal illness vortex, companion or no companion. I am yet to figure out exactly what I am going to do yet, but I do love a plan! I have my bridesmaids dress, factor 50 sun cream, malaria tablets and new camera at the ready, and I intend on spending this weekend looking at guide books and scouring the World Wide Web to find out more about my go place and activities for each destination.

I am sure its going to be an amazing once in a life time trip, and I’d rather travel alone than not go at all. It would’ve been nice to have someone to share the experience with, but I didn’t want to miss out just because I’m single. I’ve been told by many experienced travellers I’m bound to meet people along the way, but if I don’t that’s ok by me. I just hope I don’t end up talking to myself too much!

Being single is a lonely, especially at 31, but so is living with incurable cancer and the two do not make for a great combination. As mention in my blog post Singles Awareness Day back in February, I feel due to my cancer diagnosis I cannot offer a future to someone else. I honestly can’t imagine having a permanent holiday companion and a plus one for life.

As we get older the stakes are higher, I’m sure there are loads of men out there with baggage, but the reality is my diagnosis creates a huge barrier. As we get older it becomes increasingly frustrating; the pool of soul mates keeps getting smaller and smaller, but my illness prevents me from letting my guard down. Maybe I have focussed too much on working and keeping sane that way? but nowadays it feels like there is a time pressure on finding someone and settling down. With life being so uncertain and fragile it feels like I have nothing to offer in that way. Who wants a life with terminal cancer patient on active treatment and on medication for depression anyway? Like it or not there is a huge stigma about being a single female in your thirties, all of a sudden it feels alienating, and with cancer on top this is a total nightmare!

At my age people start thinking more in the long term, I’m in the minority with most of my friends who are settled down. Personally, I cannot think in the long term; I feel like it doesn’t exist in my world, so how I am meant to move forward?. Having cancer has taken so much from me, not just having a wedding / holiday companion but the overall prospect of a relationship and starting a family. Cancer won’t ever let go of my life, there is no remission or stopping treatment in sight and I have to accept that I may never meet a man and settle down. The short answer is I can’t. I am not at the same stage as my peers, although part of me is relieved that a boyfriend isn’t going to be dragged through this living nightmare, the future does feel lonely. It isn’t so much that dating is on my mind, but singleness definitely is.

I’ve heard of people in unhappy relationships who have experienced a light bulb moment post diagnosis and left their partner, having a new found appreciation for life. I feel I didn’t even get the chance to really begin the search for ‘the one’. For me, the sky isn’t more blue, the grass doesn’t looked greener and I’m probably not appreciating the small things in life as much as other people, quite frankly I don’t like the feeling of sand between my toes – it’s too hot and it gets everywhere!

Having said that, of all the bad things cancer has given me I’ve certainly been shown a lot of love and compassion over the years. I am fortunate that there are some wonderful people in the world experiencing this awful journey with me, even if they aren’t my wedding plus one.

Independence Day

I write my latest blog post for America on July 4th, celebrating Independence Day with one of my oldest and closest friends. Unsurprisingly I’ve felt really happy and content during our trip so far, as I’m removed from the realities of my daily life. It’s exactly two years since I started taking Pembrolizumb after my second bowel surgery to remove a tumour from my small bowel.

Thanks to Pembrolizumab I’m celebrating another kind of Independence Day; one that is free from cancer and all the worries that come alongside it. I’m in full on vacation mode right now and it feels lovely to have a long break from work and get some headspace.

Ten years ago at the age of 21 I studied in America as part of my university degree and I made some incredible friends from all over the world along the way. I was lucky enough to be a bridesmaid for one of my closest friends in Maryland over the weekend. America and the people I met remain very special to me, and I feel very fortunate I’ve been able to return to the states over the last decade, even though there have been times when I felt it would never be possible again.

Looking back, I wish I’d gone travelling on my gap year, however nowadays I feel even more grateful that I was able to experience living in another country as a young 20 something.

Health insurance can mean the America ends up being one of the no-go places for cancer patients, particularly those who haven’t been given the all clear or are classed as in remission, however I managed to get a reasonable insurance cover policy through a company called Insurance With. They recognise Immunotherapy treatments alongside chemotherapy which has made the insurance process much easier.

I’ve been caught up with everything at home over the last few months; a new job, moving house, a charity trek and the never ending cycle of hospital appointments. So much so that I hadn’t realised I need to take some time out. Walking through a stunning National Park yesterday made me feel like I hadn’t a care in the world, I’ve been so relaxed in the beautiful setting in Maine I’d even forgotten what day it was. I’ve been spending time with my oldest friend who I only see around once a year, so it’s even more special. If you follow my social media you’ll see my various holiday photos.

Often I feel as though I’m living in the shadows of the life I had before, but not today. Despite tiredness and aches and pains from hiking up a beautiful mountain yesterday I’m ready for a new day. It seems crazy to think just over a week ago I was having Chemotherapy back home, my 34th cycle of Pembrolizumab. What a difference a few days can make! I have vivid memories of having this drug for the first time; I remember the smell of medicine and cleaning products on the ward and the long wait for treatment whilst sitting in a side room. I thought the wait was a one off before I understood how the drug is made at the hospital pharmacy.

Two years is a long time to constantly receive treatment, especially as I’d been on other treatments before, but I’ve been given another two years of a good life, so no complaints there.

Happy Independence Day!

Lake District Five Peaks Challenge

Last weekend I conquered the Lake District 5 Peaks for charity, including England’s highest mountain Scafell Pike in just one day. I did this in aid of Trekstock, a young adult cancer charity I’ve frequently mentioned in my blog.

I found out about Trekstock through social media, and over the last 18 months I’ve found them a great source of support. Through the charity I took part in their RENEW exercise programme and also became involved in the BBC documentary A Time To Live by Sue Bourne. I have also benefited from other events they’ve organised for those who have experienced cancer.

The challenge, organised through the company Charity Challenge was without a doubt one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life! It was the most difficult physical challenge I’ve set myself so far. I was on my feet walking for the best part of 12 and a half hours straight and I found the trek both physically and mentally tough. I felt so many emotions in one short space of time; I laughed and I cried! (A lot!), but I’m proud to say I did it! I was the last person in my challenge group of 44 people to finish on the day, and I’m sure I said I couldn’t do it about 1000 times. My hips and legs became so tired that I had to give up my backpack for the last four hours, and the Charity Challenge team kindly carried it for me. I kept joking that the leaders should apply for World’s Strongest Man as they carried my backpack (as well as their own), whilst navigating across the boulders and rough terrain of the landscape. The whole experience reminded me of the type of person I am; I’m a fairly nervous person, I get scared easily, and the weekend confirmed that I’m certainly not an outdoor enthusiast! It took me longer than average to learn to swim, ride a bike and drive a car, so I shouldn’t be surprised I found the trek tough going! I know I won’t be signing up to adventurer Bear Grylls next TV show in a hurry.

Despite my initial disappointment at finishing last, I have to remind myself it wasn’t a race, I also had chemotherapy last Monday, so I know I should be especially proud. Initially it felt bitter sweet; the challenge reminded me that I am not invincible, and that having stage 4 cancer means I will inevitably find it difficult to do things that a healthy person could do more easily. As first I felt really upset, as it was a reality check, but it hindsight I’m just glad to have finished.

I’m still very sore and in pain, and pretty sure I’m going to loose a toenail but it was worth it!  Without sounding like an awards acceptance speech; I am grateful to my two wonderful friends that completed the trek with me (they must be mad!), I’ve never been so happy to see two people before. Huge thanks to the Charity Challenge team who made sure I powered through, and of course to the lovely Trekstock team. I know the money raised will continue to make a huge difference to people like me. It was lovely to meet so many other people connected to the charity, who gave me encouragement, supported and cheered me on until the bitter end. I’ll certainly be visiting the Lake District again soon, it isn’t an area of the world I’d visited before, and the landscapes were stunning. It goes to show there is so much beauty in England so close to home, I still have The Travel Bug, but I’d love to explore the UK more.
 At the moment I’m not sure the Lake District 5 Peaks would be something I would do again in a huge rush, but knowing me I’ll probably end of signing up to something else in few weeks. Perhaps I should opt for a simple bake sale instead? Overall I feel a great sense of achievement. and I’ll be riding high on that wave for a while, even if I am still hobbling.

Its great feeling knowing the money raised can make a real difference, helping to improve the physical and psychological wellbeing of people in similar shoes to mine. In total I’ve raised over £1,100 for Trekstock so far, and if you’d still like to donate you can do so here.

I am also delighted to say that I had stable scan results at my oncology appointment last Monday, which is of course fantastic news. Now that I know, I hope I can relax more over the next few months and enjoy my summer adventures and birthday celebrations.

Concessions For Disabled People

After my most recent blog post Something To Look Forward To, It has come to my attention that many people may not know of some of the concessions or discounts they might be entitled to if they are in receipt of disability benefits, or have had, or are currently undergoing cancer treatment.  Something To Look Forward To are a great small charity who offer free event tickets, beauty treatments etc to those experiencing cancer, however there are also many other opportunities those who are registered disabled can make use of.

Although the free NHS prescriptions and a Blue Badge are extremely useful and practical, having cancer is really expensive which means some people might miss out on doing things they enjoy. With this in mind I thought I’d compile a list off potential discounts and money saving options for travel and recreational activities which might be helpful to others. If anyone knows of discounts or offers I’ve not covered, do feel free to let me know and I will add them to my list, and most likely take advantage myself.

Disabled Persons Railcard

A Disabled Persons Railcard provides those who have a disability that makes travelling by train difficult 1/3 off both standard and first class anytime, off-peak and advance fares. This also applies to one companion travelling with them at the same time. This applies to those with a visual impairment, a hearing impairment, epilepsy or those who are in receipt of a disability-related benefit. It is one of the first discounts I was made aware of when I first started to receive Disability Living Allowance (now PIP) back in 2010.

CEA Card

The CEA Card is a national card scheme developed for UK cinemas which enables a disabled cinema guest to receive a complimentary ticket for someone to go with them.  I’ve used this card in various cinemas chains up and down the country including Cineworld, Empire and Odeon; and it is really handy, especially when cinema tickets can be over £10 each and splitting the cost makes it much more affordable, particularly for those who cannot go alone without any assistance. Those who receive benefits such as Disability Living Allowance (DLA) or Personal Independence Payment (PIP) are eligible, as well as various other benefits listed on the website for the CEA Card. Cardholders must be 8 years of age or older. The card costs £6 for the year so it’s worth it, even if it is only used twice a year.

Access For All Admit One Card

The National Trust admits a companion, or carer, of a disabled visitor free of charge, with the normal membership, or admission fee, applying to the disabled visitor. The  Access for all Admit One Card is free of charge and can be issued by emailing National Trust directly and sending proof of being in receipt of a disability-related benefit, such as Personal Independence Payment (PIP). This card is made out in the name of the disabled person, not the companion, so there is not a restriction to taking the same person on each visit, which is really useful. I’ve got one of these cards but am yet to use it.

Gym  Membership Discount

Many gyms across the country offer discounts for disabled people, in particular gyms run by councils, depending on where in the UK you live. A example of a chain gym that offers discount is Better Gym, know as the Better Inclusive Membership. This membership gives disabled people full, anytime access to facilities at over 200 leisure centres, including use of gyms, pools and fitness classes. The costs for this is very reasonable, at just £19.95 per month with no joining fee and no minimum contract. Like the other offers, I had to show proof of being in receipt of disability benefits when applying for this.

Concert / Theatre Ticket Concessions

I love going to the theatre and gigs, and was pleased to find out many venues or theatre companies operate an accessible ticket scheme for those in need. Being in receipt of Personal Independence Payment (PIP) means I’ve been able to take advantage of some of these offers which make a night out at the theatre practical and enjoyable. Ambassadors Theatre Group own many theatres in the West End and across the country and operate an ATG Access Membership Scheme for people needing assistance. I recently booked accessible tickets to see a show in the West End and received great service, someone even asked if we needed assistance with our interval order which I thought was great, especially for those who may be using a wheelchair. The National Theatre also operate a National Theatre Access List offering concession tickets for disabled people and carers, which means those eligible can get a pair of tickets to a show for just £32!

In additional to Something To Look Forward To there are also organisations such as Willow Foundation who provide Special Days for seriously ill 16 to 40 year olds. I had a special day organised by them in 2011 which included a trip to London, tickets to see a musical and a lovely meal out with some of my family. I would definitely recommend it for those who may qualify.

What Could Have Been

Since writing my last blog post, Life Through A Lens, I had a week long break from social media, and I feel so much better for it. Now I am focussing on my summer rather than what other people are doing. In a few days I will be heading up to Edinburgh to enjoy the fringe festival. I went last year for the first time and had a great weekend.  Despite the fact that I am a Drama graduate, I had never been before, so when the chance came to go again I couldn’t turn it down. I have been pretty easy going about the trip and have left it down to others to organise, so am looking forward to sampling what the festival has to offer for 2017. I love to travel and the fringe combines a lot of my favourite things; travelling, theatre, sightseeing and eating out.

My first ever experience of the city of Edinburgh was during my failed attempt at starting university back in 2005, which I wrote about in my original blog post 11 Years. Since that disastrous week I went back in 2008 with a friend from University, and then again in 2016. I love the city, however being there last year struck a chord with me.  If It wasn’t for finding out that I had melanoma, I would have studied there for three years, and who knows where that path may have led to? It is a question I ask myself a lot, wondering what could have been.

Last summer, on my last day In the city I became very upset and tearful about my situation as recollections of what happened came flooding back to me. At 18, I felt that I had no choice but to have a gap year, since I only found out about my melanoma the day before I flew to Scotland, and I was nowhere near ready to be so far from home with a stage 1 cancer diagnosis hanging over me. I was lucky that one of my sister’s best friends from school had already been there a year when I showed up to study.  She came to see me, finding me confused and upset.  I clearly remember my lightbulb moment, I told her that I wanted to be at home with my family, without bursting into tears. Knowing it was the right choice, I returned to Northamptonshire after just six days, and eventually began the quest for finding a new job. I did not want to return to my previous job working at the cinema, after all people would be sure to ask me questions about the scar on my neck, and why I wasn’t in Scotland. As I had only been working there a very short time I did not feel tied to the job, or have a desperate need to return. I think I was only there for a couple of months.

I feel as though cancer has ruled my life since that initial diagnosis, and subsequently I have chosen paths in life that I wouldn’t have chosen had I been well. I get very upset and sad to think cancer will now always be a part of my day to day existence. It rules my life, rather than the other way around. When last in Edinburgh I felt angry that cancer dictated what happened to me as a young adult, and that impact will never go away. I feel as if it has taken away a lot of my freedom, and limited my choices in life: from where I live (I wouldn’t be able to live anywhere as far away as Scotland these days), to the type of job I have, and the prospects that it offers. Having a part time job means saving money is a non-existent luxury, so I feel limited. Perhaps this wouldn’t be the case if I were able to work more? Who knows?

I can’t help but think about what could have been if I’d been able to stay in Edinburgh to complete my degree. Would I have lived there afterwards? Possibly I may have performed at the fringe myself during my time there. One thing is for sure, it always seems a lot colder up there, so if anything, I guess, that is a bonus!

People often say everything happens for a reason, but I fail to see why this has happened to me. I will never understand why. I hope this year I will enjoy the festival and try not to dwell over lost opportunities and memories I didn’t get the chance to create.

Lastly, I wanted to say a huge thank you to those wonderful friends who contributed towards the  2017 fringe fund for me. My lovely friends set up a collection for my 30th birthday so that I could ‘go big’ at the fringe and it has paid for my all my tickets and spending money, I would have struggled without the funds people so generously donated. Absolutely amazing!

The Travel Bug 

Over the past 12 months I have been abroad numerous times,  and have certainly been bitten by the travel bug. My 2016 trips have included a holiday to the USA to visit Austin, San Francisco and Minneapolis last January, and various weekends away to European cities, including Lisbon, Gothenburg, Berlin and Venice. I have been trying to visit as many cities as possible whilst I feel able, and I’ve enjoyed some wonderful adventures with amazing friends.

Sadly, I didn’t go travelling during my ill planned gap year. In retrospect, I wish that I had, but I can’t change the decisions that I made, or didn’t make, at 18. I could not imagine the path which lay ahead of me then. I assumed that I would have many more opportunities to go away and see the World. Nowadays there are numerous obstacles which prevent me from going on trips which are more adventurous than the Eurostar to Bruges, but just being able to escape for the weekend is good enough for me. It would seem that the World may no longer be my oyster, but hopefully Europe will be for a good while longer.

I am keen to make good memories whilst my health is not completely against me. It probably appears to others as though I do too much, which is often the case, but I am trying to squeeze as much as I can before I’m unable. I know some places are now no go zones, where I’d be likely to pick up a bug of some sort even if I was a 100% healthy person. I think Egypt is out of the question as well as a fair few others, but you never know what the future may hold. Being faced with my own mortality had certainly made me look at things in a very different way.

I have spent far too much time in bed recovering from operations, or just being generally too exhausted to move to last me a life time. I need rest but do not want to look back and wish that I had done so much more. There have been times over the years when I have been unable to get out of bed, or been in too much pain to to put on a t-shirt, or even brush my hair.  Of course, working part time has certainly had an impact on my travel wish list, but budget airlines like Ryanair and EasyJet make it possible, even if for just one night in Copenhagen with school friends. Who is going to turn down £16.99 flights each way?

If anyone knows of any good travel insurance companies who don’t run a mile when they hear the words ‘Cancer’ and ‘Stage 4’, then I would love to receive some tips or pointers. I cannot take out insurance without declaring anything as this would be void should I actually have an issue which needed addressing. I am now in a position I cannot risk anything, I could fall ill at any time, and I need reassurance and peace of mind that I’m covered for any eventuality.

From what I can gather from online research it seems to be impossible to get travel insurance for America, so I doubt if  I will be going there again anytime soon. I have travelled to a fair few states, so it is a shame that I feel that I am unable to return. It wouldn’t be a great place to be if my health took a bad turn. I just need to remember that I was lucky enough to be able to go in the first place.

Here’s to more adventures in 2017! I’ve planned trips to Lille, Warsaw and Rome so far, but new suggestions are always welcome.